


I Went to Hell...

by Petalene



Category: Supernatural, The Good Place
Genre: Crossover Crackfic, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-10-29 11:48:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17807438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Petalene/pseuds/Petalene
Summary: Crossover crackfic based on comments from The Good Play Podcast Episode 56, Chapter 35. The sisters wished that the Winchesters could have come out of nowhere during the bar fight to help deal with the demons. This takes place during The Good Place chapter 35, some of the dialogue comes directly from this episode, and no spoilers for the current season of Supernatural. Exactly what it says on the tin.





	I Went to Hell...

**Author's Note:**

> This is different from my usual Glee fics. And it’s my first Supernatural and my first The Good Place fic.
> 
> Not my plot bunny. Posted with permission by Brianna and Marissa from https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/the-good-play-a-good-place-podcast-the-Xdbsu1rjG76/

I Went To Hell...

All Dean wants is a burger. A nice, rare burger with fries and a beer. They’ve been tracking a demon across Canada for weeks and he’s tired and hungry. 

What he doesn’t want is to overhear a blonde one booth over say, “No, you jet-lagged doof. Bambadjan is the name of a demon from the Bad Place who is somehow right over there.”

She glances around fearfully, her gaze lingering on everyone but him, Sam, and Cas. The guy she’s with is way too nerdy to be with a smokin’ girl like her. 

Crooking her finger, blondie says, “Come on, Chidi.”

“Okay, okay.” He follows her to a statuesque brunette and a guy in a camo hoodie. 

Next to Dean, his brother is on instant alert. “What’s a demon doing in a place like this?”

“I’m getting a weird vibe,” Cas says. 

“Me, too,” Sam glances at Bambadjan and then the four people while trying not to make it obvious he’s casing the bar. “They don’t seem like hunters. You recognize the demon?”

Cas shakes his head. 

“Hey guys,” blondie says to her friends. “Having fun? Cool. So we need to get out of here immediately because this bar is full of demons.”

Dean doesn’t catch what statuesque says, but blondie isn’t keeping her voice down as much as she should.

“No, no, no, no, actual demons. Like from the Bad Place.”

Dean takes a sip of water as a cover for a casual look around. All the people - demons? - are not so subtly staring at the group of four friends. It’s too quiet. No clinking glasses, no forks on plates, no talking. Even the flat screen tv is off. His spidey sense tingles. Yep, they’re all demons. 

“Okay,” blondie says. “Chidi and I are going out the side door. You and Tahani are going to go out the back.”

“Or we do this the old fashioned way.” The guy in the camo hoodie holds up a lit Molotov cocktail.

“How did you make that so fast?” Chidi demands. 

“Bortle-”

Before the kid can finish his battle cry, or more important - throw the bottle, a woman in a pastel flannel and jeans grabs the Molotov cocktail and puts it out in a picture of beer. 

Cas takes a bottle of holy oil out of the pocket of his trench coat. It may not kill the demons, but it will hurt and slow them down. 

Without taking his eyes off the escalating situation, Dean slides a lighter over to Cas.

A man wearing an expensive suit strolls into the bar, shoulders back and head high. All the demons smile and blondie turns green.

Sam shifts up slowly, but Dean grabs his wrist and gives a slight shake of his head. The suit is in charge. They should give it a moment to see if more underlings are going to come pouring in who might want to save their boss.

“Hello, idiots! Surprised to see me? Right, you don’t remember. I’m Shawn. You’re very scared of me. Now where’s Michael?”

Before anyone answers, in walks grandpa with a chipper woman who looks like a sixties flight attendant. 

Shawn clicks the button on a remote and a stone archway materializes with a whoosh. Red liquid energy ripples across the opening. Wherever that leads to is a place Dean doesn’t want to go. 

Dean stands, his friend and his brother stand beside him. 

“Oh, for evil’s sake,” Shawn sneers. “I hate do-gooders. Vicky, I don’t care if you have to possess them, but I want this neutralized. Now.”

She takes two steps towards them. 

Sam pulls down the neck of his shirt revealing the anti-possession tattoo on his upper left chest. “Guess again.”

Black shadowy wings snap out behind Cas.

Shawn glares at grandpa. “I didn’t realize spending so much time with the humans made you this stupid, Michael. You brought an angel to a demon fight?”

“No,” Dean says. “You started a demon fight in front of an angel and two hunters.”

“Screw this,” the flight attendant says, karate chopping a guy in the back of the neck before pushing him through the doorway. “Let’s fight!”

Shawn’s eyes narrow. 

“Hey, assbutt!” Cas lobs the burning holy oil at Shawn’s chest. 

Shawn yanks a demon in front of him. The holy oil hits the demon Shawn uses as a shield and she screams as flames engulf her.

“Jacksonville style, baby,” camo hoodie throws a pool ball, hitting a demon in the head and causing him to stagger around. “Two thousand points!”

“Thanks, Jason.” Flight attendant kicks the demon through the doorway. 

A second doorway appears, this one with a wooden frame and blue shimmering liquid. Michael probably opened it, but Dean’s too busy being thrown across the room to be certain. At least grandpa is doing something besides wandering around too terrified to hit anyone. Opening the door next to a demon and closing it after they get sent through is a good strategy. 

Blondie and Chidi are hiding behind the bar Dean lands on top of. “Is it just me or is Janet a straight up hottie right now?” she asks. 

“Yeah, she is,” Dean says. He kicks a demon in the chest with both feet, sending him careening away. “Janet, incoming!”

Without missing a beat, Janet plants a foot in the face of a demon while grabbing the arm of the one hurdling towards her and tossing him through the doorway. 

“How are you this close to being dragged to hell and still horny?” Chidi asks. 

“I don’t know,” blondie says. 

Dean winks at her. “Scared horny is the best horny.” 

“That’s what I say!” Blondie smiles despite all the chaos. 

If she weren’t so hung up on four-eyes, Dean would try to find out just how scared horny she is. 

Dean hauls himself off the bar and gets back to it. Across the room, Sam and Cas are getting pummeled by several demons attacking at the same time while Tahani hits a shirtless guy over the head with a pool cue. 

“And how did you know they were demons?” Chidi asks. 

Blondie starts in on an ill timed love confession. Really? Right now? Dean knew the two of them were a thing. He punches a demon in the face, pushing him back into his friend and they both fall through the door Michael opens behind them. 

Off to his right, someone yells, “Gotcha!” He’s yanking on Janet’s wrist.

Another demon grabs her arm. “Let’s get her to the door.”

Dean needs to save Janet. Except he’s got a demon trying to slam him face first into the bar and Sam has two demons hitting him, crowding him towards the blue liquid. Cas goes flying backwards into the wall with a thunk. “Now would be a good time for another Molotov cocktail,” Dean yells at Jason. 

“No!” Janet screams, twisting her arms and trying to free her wrists. 

The demons force her hands and the side of her face into the liquid. 

“Oh, cool,” Janet says breathlessly. “When I’m even partway through the door to the after life, my powers come back.” 

“They do?” The demon’s face turns ashen. 

“They do,” Janet says. “Thanks for asking!” She yanks each of them by the arm until their heads crack together and she shoves them through the doorway. 

Shawn grabs blondie and Chidi by the back of their sweaters. “You’re coming with me,” he snarls.

Blondie claws at Shawn’s hand, but she can’t loosen his grip. Shawn’s forward momentum isn’t slowed by Chidi digging his heels in. Janet stands in front of the doorway, hands on her hips and glaring. Shawn kicks her in the stomach forcing her back through the opening. 

“Don’t!” Cas yells. 

Shawn puffs up like he’s going to monologue. Before he can draw a breath, Janet’s feet come swinging out of the doorway followed by the rest of her. She grips the door jamb and kicks Shawn in the chest, sending him flying end over end across the room and crashing into a table. 

The last underling glares at Janet. “What are you gonna do? I’m a black belt.”

Janet blinks her eyes rapidly several times. “I just learned Kung fu,” she says and palm strikes him in the face, shoving him through the doorway. “Just kidding. I already knew Kung fu.”

“We did it!” Michael says. “I mean, Janet did it and,” he gestures to Sam, Cas, and Dean, “you helped. Um...who are you?”

This is the first time Dean can remember feeling this superfluous in a fight. He’s got at least one bruised rib, the cut on Sam’s cheek is dripping blood onto his torn shirt, and Cas has a black eye and scraped knuckles. And those are the injuries Dean knows about. Yes, they helped. But if they hadn’t been here, Janet would have still kicked everyone’s asses back to Hell. She’s not even breathing heavy. 

“We’re hunters,” Sam says. 

“Help me incapacitate him.” Michael takes the remote while Sam grabs a rope from their bag. 

“Let me,” blondie says. “I know all about tying people up.”

“You’re still horny?” Chidi asks. 

“Around you, always,” she laughs and quickly ties Shawn to a chair before he can try anything. 

“I’ve got something special for you,” Dean says, pulling out a portable demon trap.

Michael takes a step back, warily eyeing the symbol painted on the cloth. Janet moves in front of him. So, Michael is a demon and Janet is protecting him. Tahani and Chidi exchange confused glances. Definitely not hunters. What is going on?

“It doesn’t matter what you humans do,” Shawn says. “You’re all going to Hell!”

“Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.” Dean kicks the chair and Shawn through the opening.

“That’s not fair!” Jason wines. “I didn’t get a shirt.”

“Here you go, baby.” Janet holds up a red shirt with glittery orange and yellow words - I WENT TO HELL AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT. 

“Sweet. Can it say Bortles on the back?”

“Yes it can!” She turns it around; it says BORTLES. 

“Did you actually get a shirt?” Sam asks. 

Because he’s an idiot. They don’t give out souvenir shirts in Hell. It’s not like Hell has a gift shop. Oh wait. It probably does. 

Through gritted teeth, Dean says, “No, l didn’t.”

“Oh! Then this is for you.” In Janet’s hands rest a folded shirt. 

Dean picks it up and shakes it. I WENT TO HELL AND WAS TORTURED FOR WHAT FELT LIKE THRITY YEARS AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT. 

“You’re a freaky angel,” Dean mutters.

“Not an angel,” Janet says at the same time Cas says, “She’s not an angel.”

Dean probably doesn’t want to know, but he asks anyway. “What’s your story perky River Tam?”

Janet blinks several times. “I *am* a perky River Tam.”

Why does Dean get the feeling that Janet didn’t get the joke when he told it and she did less than a second later? 

Janet holds out a map that hadn’t been in her hand a second ago. “I marked where the demon you’re tracking is currently hiding. If you can get there in less than two hours, he should be easy to find.”

It’s an interesting dilemma, does Dean trust Janet’s suggestion because she’s a bad ass or does he ignore it since she’s helping a demon?

Cas sighs. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“Thank you!” Tahani says. “I told them a rural bar isn’t the proper place for this outfit.”

“I mean a Janet shouldn’t be here on earth.”

Dean cracks his neck from side to side. Time to focus and deal with Michael. He may have helped the humans, but he’s still a demon. “Who are you people?”

Janet smiles brightly. “We’re about to become interdimensional fugitives so we can save the afterlife from bureaucratic tampering. Bye!” The demon, the humans, and Janet all blink out of existence. 

Sam sticks out his lower lip and frowns. “I spent longer in Hell than you did and I didn’t get a shirt.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos make my day and are better than a basket full of kittens.


End file.
